Here We Go Again!

I know it's been a long time since I have taken time to write on my blog; I was under the illusion that I was "overworked and underpaid" and just needed a breather! ;o But in all this work, I’m learning about the dividends that are quietly woven into our lives as a result of work and challenges… I’m learning about thoughts, about hiking, about gardening, about running, about enduring...I would like to take a moment to share something I wrote a few days ago (before transplanting any of my plants into the garden beds):

May 21, 2012 Monday - Life Reflection –

It is spring.

I look out over my garden bed where once there were a multitude of vegetables growing and flowers in full bloom and remember how it used to look...

It is a new year, a new season of gardening. I am late. I look out over my garden beds again, and
in moments of exhaustion, I see only bare dirt and weeds...

(I began transplanting just after writing this; so there are a few plants showing here.)

So much work has gone into these garden beds in years past! … And yet they sit there now so barren and lifeless – needing to again be plowed, seeded, and cultivated. It is hard work – getting the ground ready. But it must be done. If the soil were void of nutrients the garden would fail to thrive.

I breathe deeply as I think of starting over…

And then I sigh…

Something inside of me wonders if it is too late to start again; is it even worth the effort?

A battle goes on between discouragement and hope...

In moments of hope and strength, I look again for reason to "keep on 'keeping on.'"

When I look for it, my vision changes and I begin to see more; I see evidence of growth and progress. I am NOT starting over! Rather than seeing how much soil has been depleted and how much nutrients will have to be added - I see the foundation which has been laid, and will never have to be laid again; I see that I have - not two garden beds - but three.- I also see wild Mullen, and a variety of perennial plants springing up from last year - potatoes, squash, rhubarb, Swiss chard...

And so again, with hope and strength, faith and commitment - 

I breathe deeply as I think of starting over…

And then I sigh…

“Here we go again!”

Much of life is like this. We get bogged down with clutter of the mind and clutter in our house, work, and lives. We work hard to get the clutter – the weeds – the trash – the lies – OUT of the garden beds of our lives and minds. As we work to improve one area of life and home we may begin to feel greatly accomplished and look forward to a much deserved break, only to have it followed by the realization of another area to work on or another unexpected challenge. And aside from short rest periods - the work and challenges - never end! It's OK though... as long as we once again choose to toss out more trash and cultivate new growth. :)

I have come to realize that despite the moments of overwhelming exhaustion, 
I keep growing and moving forward -

And you know what?
...it feels great! :D

Why the seemingly never ending roller coaster of challenges? I do not know. But it is life. And I know I must keep working, keep living, keep moving forward, and keep enduring to the end. Perhaps this is how it is for everyone, in his or her own way.

Seasons provide rest and relief – and a renewed energy to start again accompanies each new season. Each season I do things a little different than the time before. Life is an adventure. What will I learn this time around? What will my garden of life look like? What will I create?

I have noticed something about myself. When I am moving forward - no matter how challenging - I feel accomplished and happy. But when I plateau and stop moving forward - I feel empty, depressed, and sad. Because of this I am more careful now about the choices I make. When I come to a fork in the road and have to make a choice, I do not choose easy paths:

• I choose challenging trails less traveled.

• I choose trails that lead to victory and growth.

• I choose to endure the challenges of life and to endure them cheerfully and WELL. :D

I could easily give up and abandon steep terrain for flat grounds. But what would be the point? To not endure – to be content to grovel where I stand and not continue moving forward is to give up enjoying the sweetness of victory!

Therefore, as I look at the challenges ahead of me - I do not pout or abandon ship!
Instead I enthusiastically declare...

I AM STRONG! - I AM COMMITTED! - I ENDURE WELL!

Oh, and let's not forget the last declaration...

"Here we go again! :D"

PS. I say here "we" go again because I know I do not travel these roads alone. I have my Father in Heaven to help me... And as long as He is on my side - I can not fail! :) As long as I am obeying His counsel I know the roads I travel will be worth the effort and that He will travel with me. I know this is true about each and every person in the world. He loves us and wants what is best for us. His counsel is not always easy; but it is always worth it! :)

Have an awesome day! :D 

Corine :D

Blogging May Take a Back Burner - But Relationships Never Will!

I am struggling to decide if I should temporarily stop blogging for a while (I may just slow down - a lot). I'm sure you noticed, my blogging has already slowed way down... I have so many things that need my attention right now, and especially for the coming next few months. I really think I may have to put blogging on the back burner for a while.

This decision is so hard for me to follow through on because I have made some wonderful friends through blogging and friendships mean THE WORLD to me. I don't want to NOT be there for anyone. I want to show the interest in you, my friends that I TRULY have in you and in your lives. But with so much more being added to my plate, I don't know how far I can be thinned...

Yes - regardless of whether or not I continue to blog, it will have to take a back burner again at this time in my life. Just know, my friends, that this is a matter of time. Know that you are important to me. Please know that if you ever want to talk, share something with me etc. I am still HERE FOR YOU! If you write a post that you want ME to read - tell me, and I will! (corine.miles@gmail.com :) Blogging may take a back burner in my life - but relationships NEVER will!

I hope I will be able to continue blogging during the coming months. But if not - I hope my friends will still be here waiting for me when I get back (both the old and the new!). :) I hope my friends will still keep in touch. I hope my friends will know that if they ever want to share something with me or talk to me about something I will be overjoyed when they do! (I really couldn't handle not having friends!) Once again, blogging may take a back burner in my life - but relationships NEVER will!

PS. Thank you for being my friends!  :)

Hugs to you all...

Corine :D

How Am I Swiming? :o :D

This morning I was feeling pretty great. After all - I can swim now. (Insert image of me raising and eyebrow in a very proud and happy way :) I have been working on my goal to learn to swim in the month of March - and I'm succeeding! No - I still haven't signed up for swimming lessons. Yes - I still intend to (I only know one stroke ~ sort of... :o But hey, I can swim "to save my life" now! :D I was content knowing that  I am no longer in the same league as the dog paddlers.:) (Aren't we proud? :o)

Then my husband came to the pool just as I was about to get out. His appointment was pushed forward (the appointment that determined how much time I had in the pool and consequently gave me MORE TIME). So I swam some more - with my wonderful dear husband watching. :)

He is so great! :D He came over to me and let me know that the other swimmers had their heads further in the water; and came up for air with their heads to the side and just barely took their mouths out of the water; their hips were floating, and their legs much straighter than mine; and when their arms came into the water they came down with energy and really scooped that water to make their bodies move through it at a faster rate. humph. He just thought I would want to know. I did. I mean, I did know. And I did want to know. Sigh...

Of course, he also told me I am WAY better than I used to be (yes - I was THAT BAD; Honestly, I'm totally tickled pink with my amazing progress! :D) And I REALLY, TRULY appreciated his observations (after the initial moments of wishing I swam like the other swimmers). I may just talk him into joining me and observing me regularly to help me know what I need to work on.

After the initial shock and sadness over the mental shift of comparing my swimming ONLY with my previous pathetic abilities a few weeks ago, to comparing myself with truly good swimmers, I can honestly say that I'm OK with being among the worst again. After all, I'm in a new league. I was once the worst of the worst. And now I'm the worst of the fairly good! :D

The psychological result? My goal was to swim for one month so I could get decent at it. NOW I want to get really good at it! :) This means I'm going to have to start doing other things besides swimming because the swimming isn't going to stop (though I may settle for weekly soon). People - you are going to see a major difference in me when I do the "mini" triathlon again (omg. I'm now cringing over "mini." I may have to up that goal as well. :o)

I think I may have created a monster.

PS. I got on my Daily Mile today to log in my swimming this week when I came across a video showing the training of a triathlete. I was "wowed." This gal works out between 12 and, what was it... 20 hours a week. Yeah. I've only been working out about 3/week. (yikes!) I think It's time to up it just a little... Maybe I'll work my way up to doing about half (or more) of what she does... :o LOL

PS. "You only live once. But if you work it right, once is enough."

Joe Lewis

Update - I'm Alive! :D

Yeah... I'm feeling pretty good. ;)

Hi!  :D Yes - I am still Alive! :)

I hope my readers didn't begin to wonder if I fell off the face of the planet (here to confirm that you are right... I did - JK ;). Actually, I just got really engrossed in living! I also enjoyed an early "Spring Break" with my family of home scholars and another great family of "home scholars." Isn't the freedom of home schooling great? :D

I will keep this short because I am still knee deep in living (:o ~ and LOVING almost every minute of it! ;). I will just tell you that God has been very good to us. :) I'm enjoying life and SO THANKFUL for family and friends. I feel incredibly blessed to live in a beautiful area with wonderful people. I'm so happy that I am totally comfortable swimming with my head down in the water now! (It felt like it would take a miracle for that to happen - but it happened. The learning curve for swimming amazes me!). I'm so thankful for my husband and our amazing children. I love teaching them. I love their resilience and the things they teach me. I love this adventure and journey of motherhood and have come to the beautiful conclusion that part of my duties as mother and homemaker is to read great books! :) Yes, I am reading a ton again; after all, when I read great books, I'm just doing my job! ;)

Till I find the time to get consistent here again...
Corine :D

PS. About that goal I recently set to swim 3 days a week for a month - Since I took off and went out of town for a week I didn't have access to a pool while away. Oh well. I'll just tack on some swim time at the end of the goal! :o The vacation was worth it! :)

Gaining through Losses...

About a week ago I set a goal to swim 3 days each week for the next month (at least). Yesterday was the last day of the week and I had only swum twice. It was dark and cloudy and I felt “blah.” So began the search all over the house for my swimming gear (swimsuits, goggles, swim cap, lock, shampoo for getting chlorine out, towel etc). Finally, I realized I had it all in a duffel bag in the truck, and it must have been stolen while I was in a store.

I felt like crying over my lost swimming gear (:o - ?). I was feeling blue, and I needed to be swimming the blues away! I think part of it was also remembering having the fleeting thought that someone could steal it – but not locking the doors anyhow; just as I recalled the fleeting thought to tell Miles to find a different place to store the money, just days before we realized it was stolen. Perhaps I was just angry at myself for not listening to that still small voice…

In hind site it seems silly to be discouraged about losing a few swimming items - but I confess anyhow. Oh well, we all have a hard time with some things no matter how small... :o. I decided that I must need practice coping and following all promptings (I write these here as reminders for myself... :o), so made an effort to just not worry about it and endure well.

I also remembered that some time ago I made the conscious decision not to allow obstacles to keep me from my goals - by staying focused on goals rather than on obstacles. I know this is a small and simple example and not an earth shaking accomplishment, but I would like to share it anyhow...

Upon remembering this I asked myself; “Corine, are you allowing the obstacle of lack of supplies to keep you from accomplishing your new goal? Or are you going to focus on solutions?” I knew what I wanted the answer to be. So even though I still felt somewhat lethargic from sadness I decided to go shopping and get what I needed and go swim. Another obstacle came to mind - I didn’t have a whole lot of money. But I decided to trust that everything would be OK and just go get the needed items.

Long story short - I went to two stores and while in line at both stores I remembered I had credit there. A testimony to me that sometimes we think we don't have the means when we do - and that if we just go forth to do what we need to do the lord will open up the way. I'm happy to say I met my goal for the first week which will fuel me in weeks to come!

Now, about that theft… A friend asked me, "What is it with you and the recent theft?" She knows and loves me and I'm sure she knows I have never been a thief; we know this didn’t happen as a form of karma – or getting back what I dished out. No, this was not “what I had coming.” But it WAS SOMETHING... It was A BLESSING for me to learn to handle undesirable situations and go forth with faith. It was AN OPPORTUNITY for me to focus on goals and not to allow obstacles to get in my way. It was A REMINDER of how important it is that I not care too much about money or material things. It was the source of a multitude of blessings; the lord made it all work for my good. :D

Experiences like these are changing me… I continue to like myself better as I pass through them. :D In the past I would have thought about the means to replace the loss and been sad that the money had to go "there" – thinking that I would have had more money if the loss had not occurred. I no longer think that way. Though I know my losses are small compared to Job's; I can learn from him. I look at Job and of his great loss and then at what the lord blessed him with afterwards and I don’t think “gee, he could have had all that he lost AND what he gained.” NO I don’ think that, because he would not have had both (especially the two families). Had he not lost something the lord would not have sent replacements; and the replacements were greater than the losses.

Likewise, my replacements have been greater than my losses... I have applied this to my recent situations. After $2,200 was stolen we had a profitable business dealing in which we had enough to replace the stolen money (which wasn't even ours) - AND then some. And in a way, my husband and I have prospered spiritually, psychologically and emotionally as a result of these seeming financial losses.

In the past I may have lamented over the money lost – thinking of how much MORE we would have had after bills if we didn’t have to replace the stolen money. This time (after an initial experience of striving not to be overwhelmed) I wondered if that big sale was one that the lord sent to cover our losses and then some; something He would not have felt inclined to do had we not first had a loss.

I did the same thing yesterday with the stolen swimming gear (after first whining briefly "why me" and wanting to cry :o). Rather than think of what else I could have gotten with the credit I used to replace the stolen items, I chose to be thankful that the lord provided a way for me to replace the items without touching my food budget. If I would have had to dip into the food budget I would still be thankful that the items were replaceable; there is always something to be thankful for. :) It feels good to think this way. I am happy. :D

Upon contemplation I am of the opinion that enduring challenges well may be about 95% perspective – and another 95% gratitude for blessings. And both are in our power to control! I'm totally “wowed”... The lord is so good to us all! :D

PS. Don’t worry about the math… ;)

UPDATE - Mar 5, 2012
I read a post this morning in which a man felt ashamed of his financial struggles. This man is not alone in his struggles... Job was a man of great righteousness, and even his friends, who should have known him, turned against him assuming that he must not be living righteously. Even our Savior, Jesus Christ, who was raised by very righteous people - came into this world financially poor. When giving sacrifices at the temple, Mary and Joseph gave only doves - the least expensive of sacrifices.  

I think there are a few people who need to rethink their beliefs about why people go through struggles and stop being judgmental of others, as some seem to think it is evidence of some wickedness. I realize that those who believe this way will believe what they choose to believe regardless of truth or evidence, but we need not let that concern us. We need only concern ourselves with what is true. We need not worry about hiding struggles or be ashamed. On the contrary, many who struggle financially do so on principles of righteousness (honesty, sharing, self reliance), while some do things that are dishonest to keep from struggling. A man's pocket book and list of items does not correlate at all with his level of righteousness. Here is a final quote or two to leave with you..

“Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God”

  Joseph Smith, Jr., Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith [1976], 255–56

Happiness - not monetary wealth - is the goal, and the blessing for keeping the commandments.
 

"Living the gospel does not mean the storms of life will pass us by, but we will be better prepared to face them with serenity and peace. 'Search diligently, pray always, and be believing,' the Lord admonished, 'and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly.'"

         --Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Finding a Safe Harbor," Ensign, May 2000

We are not promised that doing the will of Jesus Christ will cause storms to dodge our homes, but rather that we may have PEACE and strength to get through the storms as we turn to Him; and that He can turn all things into blessings for our good. This is my testimony that I leave with you, in His name...

Corine :D